Single Black Women Are Not Here For Your Labels

A Facebook friend posted a question about living life as a single person. Within the last couple of decades, I’ve noticed that society has placed more emphasis on one’s relationship status than one’s emotional happiness, as it seems like the pinnacle point of life for some, is the prize at the end the I do’s.

On a past RTPB podcast, we conducted a poll and held a discussion about a somewhat unsettling question. The question was “What are some of the misconceptions of the single black woman?” Two of the most common responses were she’s angry and lonely. This left me clutching my invisible pearls and saying to myself “How Sway.” We actually conducted a poll, with real people, and most who I cringe to admit were African Americans. People actually believe that Single Black Females (SBF) are angry and lonely! I would also like to point out that the question was posed by a black male. Another astonishing point was most who commented seemed to be single black women. Were the people who participated in the poll correct? Was I not willing to accept a possible truth that seemed as though my peers were willing to? I respond with a simple answer, “Hell No”.

It may be a simple response but I say it with vigor and an unwavering tone. I yell my HELL NO from as high as my soapbox will elevate me in an attempts to ensure that you hear me. You, the people who think these conceptions hold truth to describing the single black woman. And you, the single black woman reading this article. But I will elaborate on my hell no, just so you don’t think that I fall into the mentioned stereotype. Let’s talk about it for just a minute. It may appear that SBFs are lonely. Maybe that’s just because males usually don’t talk about being single negatively. Society kinda makes it okay for males to be single. It’s because it exudes bravado and freedom and therefore you’re a catch and the world is your playground. On the other hand, society views single women like they have a looming question mark over their head and its everyone’s job to solve that “Whats wrong with you” question. Women are also proven to express themselves more vocally than men and that’s just by nature. So it appears that single females are lonely and angry because they’re willing to talk about it. All of it! The good, the bad and the ugly of what went wrong in the relationship and how they are coping or not coping in the aftermath. So I am sorry for debunking that myth society. No…no I’m not.

Happiness and unhappiness are inclusive of all genders and races. A relationship does equal happiness. Being single doesn’t equal unhappiness. Even though it seems like we are living in a world where people are quick to compartmentalize and label people like they are tangible objects. I’m also yell this from the penthouse floor of my imaginary soapbox. Ladies (in my Black Thought voice), just remember the labels you wear should be a creation by a fabulous designer of your choice and not societies need to dress you in ill-fitting garb.

Tariq Trotter also known as Black Thought is an actor, lead vocalist, and co-founder of the legendary Roots crew. Shout out to The Roots!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Pasha Barnett currently resides in Atlanta and is a freelance writer, founder of Ordinary People Media and host of RealTalk with Pasha B. Podcast. Feel free to contact her at pashab@ordinarypeoplemedia.com.